It really is amazing how quickly technology changes! My grandmother told me that she remembered when zippers were invented! When I was a child, we had a rotary phone – now, when faced with the old fashioned dial, children don’t even know what it’s for. I know you can think of many more ways technology has changed our lives – think of the computer you’re sitting at, or better yet, the iPhone!
But, technology is only one aspect of our lives, albeit pervasive. When a friend recently told me that she loved the GPS in her car, I blurted out, “Oh, I do it ‘old school,’ I use Mapquest” then burst out laughing because real old school would be using a paper map and stopping at the local gas station for the final directions.
You might have a bread machine, but you can’t make yeast grow any faster. If you plant tomatoes in the spring, you can’t harvest them until late summer. You might have a fish locater on your boat, but you have to wait until a fish grabs your line.
Everything can’t be solved or changed by technology, although we sure do try to make it so.
We’re impatient. We want results now.
When someone doesn’t see things our way, we can get our love-of-technology wires crossed with our love-of-being-right. We mash up the two until they become a very un-subtle club made from equal parts of ‘hurry up,’ ‘ I’m right’ and ‘you know I’m right.’ This new blunt instrument has the power to help us win, but we lose sight of the cost – because technology is very cheap, and our need to win has been hotwired to the wrong tool.
Come outside with me tonight and watch the Perseid meteor shower. It’s black as ink in my backyard, you can see the Milky Way with detail you may have never noticed. We’ll lay on the picnic tables and count satellites circling the earth until our first meteor flys by. You can actually see them with the naked eye! I heard on TV that we’ll be able to see 100 meteors per hour!
We each choose a picnic table and stretch out. Our eyes eventually get used to the change. After we chat for a bit, we fall silent. All we can hear are the crickets and the frogs. Remember to shuffle your feet or cough every so often – there are coyotes and raccoons about. Last night a neighbor told me that there’s a mountain lion who lives in these parts. Best to let them know you’re outside in the dark – in their world.
Finally, the first meteor shoots overhead. It’s HUGE! We both whoop and clap expecting another any minute. But Mother Nature is on a different timetable. We’ll see another big meteor when she says we shall.
Of course, we know this. Outdoors, with no technology at hand, we remember that things don’t always happen when we want them to. We can text our friends to get outside and watch the show, but we can’t put that show on for them.
When a disagreement is becoming an argument, stop. Stop and take it apart to determine the things that you can control and the things that you can’t control. Try and distinguish between what the other person knows from what you want them to know, and what they might want you to know. Count the meteors. Let the bread rise. Take your time.
Unhook your mind from the fast track that technology abides on, and settle down on that picnic table to wait a bit.
If your goal is for everyone to emerege from the disagreement as friends, then there is no rush. Keep your eye on that goal and let the discussion unfold in its own time. If the discussion is getting heated, don’t let those coyotes and raccoons scare you. Respect the other person’s anger — don’t take it personally.
And most importantly, acknowledge that we all share the desire to win. Rather than there just being one winner, all parties can come away from this encounter feeling heard and understood. It’s no technological feat — it’s an admission of what we already know.
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Lately, I’ve begun to catch myself whenever I start being impatient, and I ask myself: why? Is this another part of the rat race or is this truly urgent?
When the weather starts turning a little in late summer and early fall, I think that is the best time of year to take it a little slower and be a little more introspective.